At what price

What am I doing with my life? Sometimes I truly wonder.

As much as I hate to admit it, I'm really getting sick of driving to and from school for these stupid dance rehearsals. This Tuesday, I made a special trip home so that the four people in my group could finally practice all together. (Yes, that's right. There are eight days until competition, and we have yet to run through the routine as a complete group. ) Anyway, I arrive only to find out THE FOURTH KID ISN'T COMING. What. The. !@#$%^&. Seriously. Additionally, I just got a phone call that our plans for costumes fell through because we couldn't get a discount on the $70 hoodies that we wanted. Wonderful.

I don't like when dance turns out to be more stress than it's worth. I'm not going to competition "for fun" - I want to win. I didn't pay the expensive entry fee to get there and have this be a big joke. No. Practices are turning into arguments and, unfortunately, a waste of my time. On Tuesday, for our big "practice," we spent an hour dancing at our makeshift studio, then went to a diner before finally ending up at my studio director's house. There, though, we sat around for a half hour watching videos from dance class. Meanwhile, my mind is running a mile a minute in different directions - how I have three tests for next week, how mad my mother was going to be that I was out late, when I was going to get back to school, what costumes we're going to wear, and not to mention remembering all that choreography. Luckily, that last one has never been a problem for me.

March 1st can't come soon enough. I wish that my friends could at least stop by and watch, but it's so far away that I feel bad even asking.

~

The house is eerily quiet right now, and it's a little bit strange. Usually we're bustling about, distracting each other and making a lot of noise. I don't like it so much when it gets quiet, probably because then I'm actually forced to do my work.

I'd like to make mention of the fact that I'm doing pretty decently with my resolution to do better in school. I haven't had a lot of turn-in assignments yet, so I don't have actual grades... but I find that reading the material ahead of time really does wonders. The full effects of my work will be seen in this upcoming week, wherein I have three tests. It shouldn't be too bad, but I'm still worried.

Speaking of resolutions, my sleeping schedule is getting... a little better? My eating habits have definitely improved, as have my exercising efforts. But the sleeping thing is just taking a little longer. However. I am quite exhausted, so I'm off to bed.