Weekend Recap + BEDS Day 19.

This weekend was really wonderful. I ended up spending the majority of my time with E after we decided last-minute to hang out and watch a movie on Friday night. We already had plans to spend Saturday and Sunday together, so it was fun to have a whole weekend together.

There were several games of Mario Party (in which I won once and lost horribly once), a free Neon Trees concert at the local music festival, walking around hand-in-hand weighing our options for greasy overpriced fair food (we went with a cheesesteak, hot pretzel, funnel cake, and fried Oreos between the two of us), lounging around in bed all Sunday morning, and fulfilling the Taco Bell craving I had by getting it for lunch.

And now, time for a BEDS prompt since I need a little ego boost anyway and this topic definitely does that.

Day 19 → A talent of yours

It's your lucky day, because I'm going to share a few with you - four to be exact.

First is baking. I'm not the greatest at cooking, but I have yet to have a truly epic baking fail.

Second is dancing. The following video is from a few years ago when I danced solo in a shopping mall for a charity event.




Finally, I'm particularly good at picking out good gifts and finding the positive in any situation. I talked about these a bit more during VEDA:

mumble and gloria.

Today is a super awesome day. Why? Because it's Ashley's birthday, of course!

You should know that Ashley and I are personality twins, separated at birth, perhaps. In the five years we've been friends, I think the only discrepancies that we've discovered in our lives are our political views and 90's boy band loyalties. Otherwise, we share the same passion for dance, ability to remember choreography from years ago, obsession with watching old recital videos, apathy towards getting drunk, love of crafting and Sharpee markers, and tendency to indulge our inner 6-year-old. (Oh, and as for the title of this post, we're penguin pals since we played Gloria and Mumble from Happy Feet in the winter recital of '06.)

We also have the same thoughts and feelings about a lot of things, specifically those things that make me think I'm crazy and weird. Do you know how awesome it is to find out that someone else shares your special brand of crazy? Our opinions are so mirrored that, when one of us is trying to explain how we feel about something, the other person usually interrupts and says, yes, I totally understand, we're the same person, remember?

Last weekend we had an early celebration for her birthday, which was slightly insane but tons of fun. There were games of Kings, Never Have I Ever, and of course, Ash and I rehashed some old choreography. Which, I should mention, has become so commonplace that nobody blinked an eye (except maybe E, who'd never witnessed it before) and people actually joined in if they were passing through our makeshift "stage" in the kitchen. The party was so good that the date has already been set for next year's, which I will definitely be attending.

Happy birthday Ash! ♥

holiday week 2010: day 2.

The Music
An absolute MUST to start off my holiday season is the cassette tape of Christmas music my mom recorded from vinyl way back when we were kiddies. I refuse to decorate the tree without it and it gets ample play throughout the season. It's a mix of some pretty unique songs, like Marshmallow World by Darlene Love and Christmas in Killarney by Bing Crosby, but has all the classics as well. Plus, there are a few adorable interruptions that were recorded when we would play it on our toy tape player that also had a microphone. It's really all my brother's fault, because as I can be heard saying on my favorite of the recordings, "you can't record on this one Dan, this is not a blank tape." I was such a bossy older sister.

Aside from that entire cassette, I have plenty of other favorites. My mega Christmas play list has a total of 66 songs on it, but I'll try to pick out just a few to share.

First up is a new favorite: Deck the Rooftop by the Glee Cast. When I first heard this song, I died on the spot because it was amazing. I always love their mash-ups and this one is so well done.



Next up is a recent song that, in my opinion, has already become a classic for our generation - All I Want for Christmas is You by Mariah Carey. Any time this comes on the radio, I blast it and sing at the top of my lungs. It's just so damn catchy!



The last one I'm going to put up is Christmas Wrapping by The Waitresses. I adore this song and I really have no idea why.



A few other favorites include: Believe by Josh Groban (it always gives me chills); Maroon 5's version of Happy Christmas (War is Over); Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays by NSYNC; Parade of the Wooden Soldiers by The Crystals; and Step into Christmas by Elton John.

The Movies
Much like my mother's Christmas cassette tape, the holiday season doesn't start until I've watched How The Grinch Stole Christmas, the original cartoon version. I like the new live-action version as well, but it doesn't come close to the original. The ending always makes me tear up, when "he, he himself, the Grinch - carved the roast beast."

A new favorite is A Christmas Story, which I only saw in its entirety for the first time last month. Now that I've finally seen it all the way through, I realized that I actually had seen most of it and that it is amazing.

I generally love most Christmas movies. Love Actually is such a sweet, romantic movie and it makes my heart swell every time. I cry my face off every time I watch The Polar Express, even before it gets to the super weepy parts. My mom and I watch White Christmas together because it was her favorite movie as a kid, and I have to keep myself from rolling my eyes when she starts singing along when they sing Sisters. My favorite Santa Clause is the original, and the same goes for Home Alone. Also, I love the Home Alone "theme song" - it reminds me of all things Christmas whenever I hear it.



And, considering I'm a dance geek, I always need to watch this version of The Nutcracker featuring the New York City Ballet. Yes, it has Macaulay Culkin in it and that just makes it more amazing. Sadly, I cannot find a single clip of it on Youtube other than this trailer, which barely contains any dancing. I love each and every piece of music from The Nutcracker and the dancing is absolutely phenomenal.

What are you favorite Christmas songs and movies?

you can't stop the beat.

In the summer of 2006, I started watching a little show called So You Think You Can Dance. Being a dancer, I had a whole network of friends who adored any and all things related to dance, and they were all urging me to watch it. I actually skipped the first season (which was on during the summer of 2005) and didn’t really get into the show until the middle of the second season. And then it was all over.

Season two was, by far, the one I obsessed over most. There were two dancers I absolutely loved (Benji and Donyelle, for anyone who watched), but even the whole Top 10 was amazing. When it was announced that they would go on tour, I was ecstatic. When I found out (from the forums – yes, I’m a forum junkie) that they would stick around to meet fans after the show? I just about died. Normal people would get this excited over celebrities; I was freaking out about dancers.

Meeting Donyelle and internally freaking out.

That first year, the anticipation of meeting these people was overwhelming. I attended two shows that year because at the first show, I couldn’t stay late and didn’t get the opportunity to meet everyone. At the second show, I was with a group of girls whom I had met over the internet and we had an absolute blast standing out in the cold, waiting for the dancers. It was an experience I’ll never forget.

The Waterbury Crew with Ryan (one of the dancers).

Since then, my passion has died down from a level of obsession to one of enjoyment. I’ve been to the tour every year since, although there were a couple shows where I skipped out on the meet-and-greet afterward. This year, though, I was back at it. I attended the show on Sunday with my two best friends from dance, and it was fantastic. They even brought back* the traditional "surprise" encore to You Can't Stop the Beat!

When the show let out, we took our familiar spots behind the barricades, waiting for an hour in the middle of Newark to meet some amazingly talented folks. And you know what? As casual as the waiting felt and as calm as I was for most of it, I still freaked out when my favorites approached.

Billy Bell! Oh my freaking goodness, this kid is ah-mazing.

My family thinks I’m weird for getting so excited over something that seems so irrelevant, but I really don’t care. Judge me all you want, but I’m a huge dance geek and so I'm going to obsess over some dance "celebrities."

*Here's where my obsession comes back into play: You Can't Stop the Beat was one of my favorite dances from Season 2 which they then used for the encore that year on tour. It was also used for the Season 3 and 4 tours, but then last year, they didn't use it! I was so pissed. So I was very happy to have it back. #geekmoment

[almost] wordless wednesday.

Still got it.

video friday.

My weekend kicks off in about fifteen minutes, by which I mean, that's when I'm going to hang out with my friends for an hour before they go into the city, where I will not be joining them because my body is a hot mess and I have about ten varieties of cramps, so instead I'll be coming back here and finishing my grandmother's scrapbook.

Right.

So now, I'll show you some awesometastic videos that graced my presence this week.


(I am not responsible for any pants-wetting that may have occurred during the viewing of this video.)

I may or may not have giddily jumped up and down after seeing this video. I am beyond excited and am now on a quest to re-read all of the books and re-watch all six movies before November. Which would be in progress already IF WE HADN'T MISPLACED OUR COPY OF BOOK ONE.




Everything about Maroon 5 is sexy. Including this video. If I could trade places with that girl, I would be the happiest person alive. Adam Levine is a yummy, sexy man.


NOW. Before you watch this one, let me preface it. Yes, it's a dance video. Yes, it's from So You Think You Can Dance. The dashing man with the clipboard and glasses is Twitch, who came in second place on the fourth season of the show (we're on to season seven now) and is now the male Hip Hop All-Star for this season. The kid in the jacket is ALEX FREAKIN WONG, contestant on this season and the most perfect technical dancer I've ever seen in my life. He came straight from a ballet company and has barely touched hip hop in his career. Not going to lie, as amazing as he is, I kind of expected him to bomb. HE DID THE TOTAL OPPOSITE OF BOMBING. See for yourself.

alex 9 @ Yahoo! Video

I KNOW RIGHT? Have fun picking your jaw up off the floor.

Have a wonderful holiday weekend everyone!

by me, beside me.

Recital 2005: 'Last Dance.'

Five years ago, I was at my dancing peak. I had classes at least three days a week, though that number grew as we approached summer, our competitions and our recital. I remember sitting in our studio and finding a friendship with a 13-year-old girl. Because a lot of the girls in my class went to high school together, sometimes it was hard being the girl from private school. Dance class became social hour and all the day’s drama was dished. I loved these girls, there’s no doubt about it; occasionally, though, I felt left out.

Julianne, Shirley and I, rehearsals for Recital 2005.

I befriended that 13-year-old, Julianne, for many reasons. Not only were we out of the high school drama loop, but we were both passionate about dance. We took stretching seriously, worked on parts of the dance we hadn’t perfected yet, and learned choreography quickly. She was obviously amazing; being the youngest in the group by at least three years, she out-danced a good number of them.

Dress rehearsal for Proud Mary.

Five years ago, after late-night rehearsals and our final show day passed, I had a conversation with Julianne, discussing her future. A huge decision weighed on her shoulders on whether or not she should continue at our dance school, the one she had been with for at least five or six years. We talked about many things – how it would affect our dance ‘family’ and what she was truly looking for – and a decision was made.

Julianne ended up switching schools, and as much as it hurt to see her leave the ‘family,’ I knew it was best for her. She grew in leaps and bounds, something I observed through Facebook videos and performances at the local street fair. Every time I saw her, she became even more amazing and inspiring. I was like a proud older sister watching her flourish the way she did.

Last weekend, I attended her final recital. Just like during my ‘graduation’ recital, she danced in routine after routine, and she stole the show every time. Her face was lit up with a bright smile or whatever emotion was needed. You could tell she was having the time of her life. When it came time for her solo, she was incredible beyond my expectation. I found myself unable to stop tears from springing to my eyes because I was so amazed and proud. It really sunk in that this wasn’t little Julianne from five years ago, but a more mature and seasoned dancer. It was a moment I’ll never forget.

After her graduate recital.

Five years seems to have flown by ridiculously fast- it was only that long ago that I stood on stage, across from this girl in a pair of pointe shoes and a shiny copper costume. And even then, I knew in my heart that she would be something great.

Recital 2005: 'Troy.' We're both in front.

it's baaaaack.

Another summer, another season of So You Think You Can Dance. I promise not to talk it to death, but I can't help myself from the occasional plug.

Even if you're not normally drawn to dance shows, you should watch this. Why? Because this season they're bringing back ten of the BEST dancers from seasons past to help this year's contestants compete. The talent level is really high - this isn't like Dancing with the Stars where most of the people suck. Plus, SYTYCD is all styles of dance, not just ballroom.

There's hip hop:


Contemporary:


And yes, even dancing zombies (from the genius mind of Wade Robson).


If that doesn't give you a reason to watch, well, then I can't really help you. Well, I could post clip after clip (and would happily do so, because I have about ten billion more favorites), but that would be overdoing it. So, I hope you watch. I mean, what else is on TV anyway? Nothing good, I'm sure. (That's not true, I really have no idea because this is all I watch.)

just dance.

I have a little secret to share: when I wrote about missing dance in last week's post, I already knew I was going back to class. Yes, it’s true – last Wednesday night, I got together with a few other alumnae from my dance school and a friend of one of those girls and we had a full-fledged hip-hop/jazz class.

Although I forgot to bring the right shoes (I literally brought every other pair except for my sneakers) and was dressed more for lyrical than hip hop, I slipped easily into my old routine. The warm-up stretches came right back to me, along with the across-the-floor kicks, turns, and leaps. And in case you were wondering, I’ve totally still got it when it comes to my tour j’etes.

Class was exhilarating, fun, and a total body workout. I’m not the greatest at freestyle or making up my own choreography – instead, I love to pick up other people’s choreography. There’s a rush I get in executing something that someone else thought up in their head, working to make it the best that I can. I laughed and goofed around, but I also broke a sweat and had to catch my breath a few times.

Before I knew it, we were finished and packing up our stuff. I could’ve continued for three more hours thanks to my body still being trained from spending countless hours in the studio. If you ask me to go running, I can barely make it longer than thirty seconds, but throw me in a dance studio with seven dances to rehearse and I could be there all night.

The next morning I woke up and smiled as I felt the all-too-familiar soreness in my body. It was a welcome feeling – I may be crazy for liking a stiff neck or sore calves, but it was comforting in a way. I used to feel sore all the time when I was in class several days a week. My friends at school who also took dance and I would compare “battle wounds” with each other – what was sore and what was bruised, and why.

I’m so happy to be dancing again. Over the weekend I was down the shore with my dance crew for my BFF Ashley’s birthday and, as always, we eventually broke out the dance mix and started doing choreography on the deck. It was too much fun.

Class isn’t supposed to be for too long – just a few weeks – but I’ll take as much as I can get. I’m off again tonight for my second class, for my chance to get away from life and just dance.

labor day weekend.

My new favorite event to go to on Labor Day Weekend is the block party held at my aunt’s shorehouse. I attended last year and had a blast, so I knew I had to do it again this year and managed to convince The Boy to come with me. The theme was armed forces, and earlier this summer my aunt had already come up with a great idea: the girls would dress as army nurses while the guys sported fake wounds with food-dye-colored “bloodied” bandages. Since The Boy was a last-minute addition, he came up with the idea of being – what else – the head doctor in charge of the nurses.

The weekend started off on Friday night when I decided to split up the two-hour trip to the shore and head to The Boy’s house to sleep over. We were up bright and early the next morning at nine, mainly to be awake before his sister arrived with her three roommates and found us half asleep. Our first task was to bake brownies, which we did promptly. Once the girls arrived, we hid out in his room to pick out his “costume” while they all had lunch and rushed out to the beach.

Before we left, I put my finishing touches on the brownies to fit the theme a little better:



Then we were on our way. We didn’t hit much traffic this time around and got there about a half hour before the party officially began. Since my costume was being supplied mostly by my aunt, we freshened up at the house and I got dressed up.


Hellooooo, nurse!

I was surprised to find out that Lynds had decided to come home from college for the long weekend. Her best friend was over for the better part of the day, so I never really got a chance to talk to her.

We made our way down the end of the block where the festivities were centered. Within minutes, the color guard made a special appearance to kick off the party officially.



Then food was served, and as my aunt was one of the people in charge, I fell in line as her helper. Of course, I took time to catch up with my cousin and his girlfriend, say hi to the neighbors, and enjoy the wonderful spread of barbecue food.


My uncle and aunt.


My cousin and his girlfriend.


The Boy and I.

A few games were arranged, the most popular by far being the water balloon toss. Although The Boy and I were out after the second or third toss, my cousin and his girlfriend made it all the way to second place (after the water balloon popped right in the middle of her skirt, making it look like she had peed herself).


That's my cousin the foreground, his girlfriend in the back. Sadly, this is a shot of the losing toss.

As the sun was setting, it was time to put out dessert, and I dutifully helped carrying tray after tray of cupcakes and brownies to the table. My favorite were these adorable cupcakes, which are definitely something I would have come up with:


So cute! My only complaint was that the "beach ball" was a gumball. Ew!

We retreated to the house after this, seeing as the swarms of gnats that were bothering us all afternoon had become increasingly worse. We sat on the back patio and talked about silly wedding mishaps and stories on my dad’s side of the family. After about an hour, we decided to make our return after thoroughly covering ourselves in bug spray.

It was, of course, my favorite part of the day, because now that the sun was down and everyone was thoroughly tipsy, the DJ began playing the fun, danceable music. It didn’t take long for all of us to hit the makeshift dance floor, especially me and Lynds.


All the nurses, getting low, including my aunt!


As you can see here, we're the only two dancing. I have no problem with this whatsoever.


Dancing to Pussycat Dolls, doing the same move for the same part in the song.

By the end of the night, I was sweaty and exhausted. My very patient and wonderful boyfriend was getting antsy as well, seeing as all he was doing was standing on the sidelines and taking pictures (at my request). I changed into pajamas, we said our goodbyes, and were on our way.

Being the weirdo I am, as soon as we arrived back at his place, I was starving. I don’t eat too much in social situations, because I have mild anxiety and am never really hungry, so I’m always ready to chow down as soon as I leave a party. At eleven at night, I was sitting down to a full meal of grilled chicken, pasta, and steamed corn on the cob, followed up by green tea ice cream and leftover Rita’s water ice. Basically, anyone in real life who doesn’t think I eat enough really needs to see me late at night, when I will snack on anything and everything.

The rest of the weekend was calm, but I was glad to get out just for the one day. I love big parties and the sense of community I feel when I’m at my aunt’s shorehouse. It’s definitely a party I’m going to look forward to for years and years to come.

so you think you can dance?

I love dance, there's no doubt about it, and I realize I have what some may call an "obsession." I tend to get a teensy bit over-enthusiastic about it, especially when talking to friends. I'm particularly enthralled with dance shows on television, like America's Best Dance Crew and So You Think You Can Dance.

The latter of those two is my favorite TV show of all time. It beats out Grey's, LOST, even Jon and Kate plus Eight (yup, it even beat Aaden and his adorable glasses. I'm sorry, it was a tough call.)

So why am I bringing this up? Well, because this is my newest outlet, so now I'm going to babble to my readers about how amazing dance is. If you haven't already started watching So You Think You Can Dance (affectionately known as SYTYCD), I'm going to give you a couple reasons why you should definitely check it out.

First of all, it's the summer. There aren't a lot of new shows out, especially on weeknights, so it's great mid-week entertainment.

Second, dance is amazing. I'm not just saying that because I'm a dancer, but seriously, think about it. There are such a variety of styles, from ballroom to contemporary to hip hop. Dancing expresses any emotion and can tell many different stories.

Third, these people are pretty freakin' talented. I can understand not likely Dancing with the Stars, because some of the people downright suck and it's always ballroom. On SYTYCD, dancers are challenged to (and succeed at!) mastering all the styles given to them. Plus! This season is really, really good. Trust me. I've watched since Season 2. These people are good.

Still not convinced? Okay. Now I'm going to have to bring in the big guns - videos of some breathtaking performances.

A contemporary routine about addiction, choreographed by Mia Michaels and danced by Kupono and Kayla:



Another contemporary routine about friends deciding to hook up, choreographed by Travis Wall (a Season 2 contestant!) and danced by Jason and Janine:



And for all you disco lovers, a routine by Doriana Sanchez performed by Jeanette and Brandon:



So there you have it. I hope this convinced at least a few people to check it out if they haven't already. Performance night is Wednesdays at 8pm EST, and the results show is Thursdays at 9pm EST (although if you're not super concerned about who's going home and only wanna see awesome dancing, then you can probably just stick with the performance show).

Happy TV watching!

dance to the music

Music moves me. That should be a surprise to nobody. Music moves my mind, my body, my soul. It touches my heart.

Music is one of those things in life that can do anything. It's undeniable, almost. You can't live without music. It's also universal. It's one of those questions you ask a stranger you're getting to know ("what music do you like?"). Why? Because it's telling of one's personality, of who someone really and truly is.

I am a huge fan of finding ways to hold on to memories. Pictures are really important to me. My high school group of friends never really liked taking pictures, and the result is that whenever I miss them, I'm stuck looking at the same five or six pictures. That's why, for the people who know me now, I try to have my camera on me at all times, and almost always insist on snapping a few photos. I don't want to lose the memories, because I know I will. We all will. It's impossible to remember every moment of every day, as much as we'd all love to.

Linking music with memories is even more important to me now. Songs trigger one memory, and that's all it takes until I'm lost in a daydream about the past. I just heard On The Radio by Donna Summer and was immediately back in my dance recital from 2005. We did a montage of Donna Summer songs; it was the finale for that year, the last performance of my full-time dance career. I remember switching from pointe shoes to lyrical boots in between songs, chaos in the wings, the moment when it ended. And then when the six seniors went up and bowed, and they screamed for us louder than the rest.. I'll never lose that moment.

Then another memory pops up: rehearsals. Twenty people in our one-room studio. Five of us had just returned from a dinner break to Subworks with our tap teacher. I miss dinner breaks to fast food restaurants. We brought back a box of Munchkins for everyone, because it was our last practice before the official dress rehearsal. It was our last practice ever.

I could go on, but I'll stop myself. This happens with any song that's tied to a memory. It's amazing, though, because you never forget songs. Whenever you hear it, you think back to that moment, good or bad.

What are some songs that never fail to bring up memories for you? I know you've got one.

all we can do

One thing I've learned about myself in recent years is that I hate the end of things. When I was in high school, I went through a phase where holidays would come to an end, and I would almost feel like crying. Sometimes I think I actually did, too.

Today was one of those days. Today was what was probably my last dance recital, at least for a while, if not forever. And as usual, the reality of it has just set in.

I picked up my iPod, and staring back at me on the screen the words read "Cait's solo 2008." And I'm crying. Performing all of my dances became my day-to-day routine. To realize that they've been performed and that there won't be any more practice.. it's upsetting to me. Milestone recitals always have this effect on me. When I "graduated" my dance school in 2005, I was a happy camper all day. I didn't shed a tear until my friends left that night, at which point I completely broke down.

This year is even worse, and yet I'm less upset. There's talk that the studio will continue, but I don't think it really will. Even if it does, we're losing even more people. Just in these past two or three years, I have become much closer to the girls who are there now than I was to my fellow classmates when I attended every week. At dance, you let go - you don't care about what you say or do. So everyone gets to know each other on a very, very personal level, and you feel such a strong connection to everyone.

It was just a big blur of a day. Waking up, getting ready, getting there, setting up.. the actual show goes by in what feels like a ten minutes. The party was quick too, and they didn't play Last Dance as our last song. But you know what? I had an absolutely amazing day, and that's all that counts. My cousin and my roommates - three of my best friends - were there to see me in my element. My boyfriend sent me flowers. My dancers were just as crazy and fun as they always are. I'm a very happy girl right now, and maybe that's why I'm finding it so hard to realize that it's all really over.

the life of a dancer

Ah, recital times. It's an interesting week of preparation that happens just before our dance recital every year.

Daily practices are assumed, although often times and locations are unannounced until hours before. Practice itself is an organized chaos - this year our studio is our dance teacher's house - with three different dances being performed at once. Dancers are running from room to room, completing one dance and scurrying off to jump into the next one.

Spots, formations, and transitions are clarified; choreography is broken down count by count. This is the time to get every question in the open, to fix every muddled movement. Costumes are discussed and argued about, until we agree on the same old black-and-other-color scheme.

Late hours are kept, tempers flare, attitudes worsen. Arguments ensue, usually about the stupidest things. Stress runs high as music lists are compiled. Programs are written, which is a daunting task as you consider how to make sure nobody has too many quick costume changes.

Your diet goes to hell. Sipping a bottle of water turns into chugging down one or more thirty-two-ounce bottles of Gatorade. The schedule leaves time only for fast food. Then you sweat out the liquids, burn off the greasy calories, rinse and repeat. For a whole week.

All for those few performances, each of which will last but a few moments. But it's worth it, and that's all that matters.

[Note: I decided on the orange dress, by the way.]

to tide you over

Hello, temporarily-abandoned bloglings. Sorry to have disappeared, but my dance recital is this coming Tuesday, and the week before recital is always the craziest. I'm planning to blog about it later tonight, but until then, a couple of pictures from Katrina's 21st birthday and, ou!, a reader-participation section.


Katrina and her entourage, before heading out to the city. She's the one in the red dress; I'm to the right of her. The other girls are her before-high-school best friends.


Katrina, about two hours after arriving and just about five minutes before getting sick, passing out, falling asleep in the bathroom, and getting kicked out. She got exactly the kind of 21st birthday she wanted.

And now, dear readers, a question for you! For my aforementioned recital, I've got a solo to perform. The song is "Keep Breathing" by Ingrid Michaelson, and can be heard here. I decided early on that I probably wanted to wear a dress for the performance, and so during my costume-hunting mall trip yesterday, I picked up the following two dresses. They're both easy to dance in, so basically I'm just asking you, which one do you like better?


Dress Number One!


Dress Number Two!

Even if you're just an occasional reader, new reader, or any other type of blog-lurker, if you're reading this and have an opinon, please respond with your favorite! And may I remind my non-blogging friends (I'm looking at you, Dani and Nat) that you too can comment. Still feeling shy? You can even reply anonymously, if you'd like. So have at it! I'm off to assist my studio director with the non-dancing aspects of the recital.

keep breathing

I've got dance on the brain. Some of you might be saying, "but wait.. don't you always have dance on the brain?" Truth is, not really. Usually my dancing just happens out of nowhere, and rarely do I actually think about it. But with recital under two weeks away and my solo only in it's beginning stages, I need to do some serious choreographing.

What's frustrating is that I'm always struck with inspiration at the most inopportune moments. Including right now. After nearly falling asleep a couple of times while on the phone with The Boy last night, I passed out minutes after we hung up. (Note to self: Stop laying on the bed while on the phone, no matter how awesome it is.) Two hours later I was wide awake, and after trying fruitlessly for a few more hours to fall back asleep, I've given up. My brain wouldn't shut up, jumping from one thing to the next on my laundry list of things to think/worry about. So here I am, bright and early at 6:30am on two hours of sleep, dancing.

Also on that wonderful laundry list:

• Friday Night. It's Katrina's 21st, so she invited everyone she knows to go out to a club in the city. I've got two reasons I keep thinking about it. One, I'm still trying to figure out plans for arriving at the club and then how I'm getting home. I have a couple of options on the table, and I just can't decide. Two, Katrina promised me we'd do a shot in celebration of the fact that The Boy and I are official (yay!). Problem is, I have yet to do a lot of "serious" drinking (I'm a Smirnoff Ice kinda girl), and I'm not exactly sure what kind of shot we'll be ordering. Hopefully I can get away with doing a Jell-O shot (they aren't so bad going down.. right?) and be on my merry way. But for anyone who's lurking around and knows a thing or two about shots.. any other suggestions for something on the milder side? Because as you can see, I know absolutely nothing about drinking. It took me forever to decide that my drink of choice will be Cosmos for the night, and that I might also try getting a Blue Lagoon, as per my brother's suggestion. (NOTE: Keep in mind my brother is two years younger than me and knows more about alcohol than I do. Right.)

• The Boy. As I mentioned earlier, we're official as of Tuesday. Needless to say, I'm happier than I can even put into words. Yet every once in a while, my nagging, doubtful side likes to make me analyze everything. Right now it's asking, "are you getting into this because you really want it? Or only because you are grasping firmly onto the one real opportunity you have to be in a relationship?" That side of me is SUCH a mood-killer. *dramatic teenage eye roll*

• Finding an Internship. Last week I sent in my resume for a good five or six jobs. I have yet to hear back from any of them. The Boy suggested I just start calling random places to find an opening, but I tend to lack a backbone in most situations, especially ones that require me to assert myself.

There were other things, but they've since left my brain. Of course. Now that I've decided to be awake and think about these things, my brain's going, "what are you talking about? I wasn't thinking while you were trying to sleep. You're crazy." Well I guess that last part's right.

new and old

Yesterday I experienced another one of my late-blooming firsts in life - I went clubbing. Okay, so I didn't technically go clubbing. I went to a club to see a bunch of awesome dance performances. But it still counts, okay? Because I still got the full club experience of getting carded, buying really expensive alcohol, and getting asked to dance by a creeper.

We spent an hour driving through the city, where we were supposed to be finding a club called Hiro, which was located on 16th Street between 8th and 9th. And yet somehow, we ended up passing by Ground Zero. (Note: I am completely unaware of the geography of NYC, but when I told my roommates this, they were like, "wow, you guys were really off track.") Luckily, because my studio director had reserved a table, we were able to get in without waiting in line and we got an awesome little place to sit on the second floor of the club.


Our view.


Ashley and myself.

I was so glad to actually have someplace to sit, because I made the mistake of wearing really uncomfortable shoes and would've died had I had to stand on the floor. I didn't dance much, except towards the end when they kicked us out of our table area. But I had a blast. Watching my studio director and our friends get buzzed was entertainment enough for me, especially with the drive home and stopping at the diner at 4:30am.


Chris being his typical self at the diner. I'm not capable of repeating the conversation that brought on this picture.

**

It seems that the way I'll be able to stop biting my nails is if I'm constantly distracted. And I mean constantly. Because it took the past two days of back-to-back activities for them to grow. I just sat down at the computer an hour ago and noticed that they had grown out a little bit. Of course, as soon I realize they're growing.. the urge to bite them is even stronger. I've already chewed off a few of them. Here's hoping for more willpower so that they can finally grow out completely.

**

I just spent a half hour freaking out because of my recurring addiction to the television show So You Think You Can Dance? (SYTYCD?). A quick summary of my serious, serious issues regarding this show goes something like this - I watched the second season, got really attached to two dancers that were partnered (whom I also believed WAS COMPLETELY CONVINCED were dating and destined to marry), saw their tour twice (including a secret trip to Connecticut), continued to thoroughly obsess over them, and made a point of going to every event they were at whenever possible. Which included trips to Long Island and Pennsylvania, where I spent my time developing relationships with people I had only known online. Yeah, I had issues.

Finally though, I got over a lot of it, mainly because it was consuming my life and also, I realized I was acting a little crazy. But. I still have an attachment to that pair of dancers, specifically the girl, Donyelle Jones. Because she's the fiercest dancer I've ever seen.

ANYWAY. Tonight was Idol Gives Back, which I totally forgot started at 7:30pm. I meant to watch because a rumor had it that a few dancers from all three seasons of SYTYCD? were slated to be making appearances. Had I not forgotten, my ass would've been glued to my chair from the moment the show started. However. It turned out that their main performance was the opening act, and I had only realized it was tonight at 8:30pm. Craptastic. But then! I found a crappy YouTube conversion of the routine, I realized that HOLY SHIITAKE MUSHROOMS, Donyelle was in there somewhere. I knew a handful of the dancers would be there, but there were waaaaay more than I expected. So what did I do? Bought the performance on iTunes. And watched it about five times now

..maybe the obsession isn't completely gone yet. A-heh.

Change of pace...?

You're all going to be very proud of me, because I went shopping today without buying things I didn't need. Hooray! What I did pick up:

• a pair of plain jeans (because on several occasions, I've gravitated towards the ones with pretty sequined designs on them, and it's best I have a few more plain pairs)
• a bathing suit bottom (long story short, I bought a size too small last season, but the top still fits; luckily I was able to find a pair that matches perfectly)

Ta da! I am a reformed shopper. Hopefully this will keep up, because I'm becoming painfully aware of how close I am to entering The Real World (no, not the MTV show, unfortunately), and how much money I do not have.

That was one of the reasons I couldn't fall asleep last night - my brain decided it was time to run through the list of things I try to keep quiet for the majority of my waking hours. This list includes how I haven't put much effort towards getting an internship for this summer, how I screwed myself by having a low GPA, how I'm going to have to move out of this house as soon as I graduate college, how I definitely do NOT have the funds to support myself, and of course, how I'm going to be a lonely cat lady for the rest of my life. Yeah, my brain just likes to tack that to the end of the list, just for fun. For shits and giggles. Except I'm not laughing.

*

Break has been relatively relaxing so far. I got home Friday and celebrated by purchasing some lightweight-esque alcoholic beverages: Watermelon-flavored Smirnoff Ice. Of course, I had to convince both my brother and my mom that it was NOT pure vodka, as they previously thought. My first argument was that they wouldn't put pure vodka into beer-like bottles for easy consumption. My second, more convincing argument was the tiny print on the label that said "malt beverage/5% alcohol." Like I said, I'm a lightweight. As long as it has a low alcohol content, tastes good, and makes me look cool because I'm over the drinking age and actually taking advantage of that fact... then I'll drink it.

*

Tomorrow's Monday, and I kinda, sorta told myself that once the actual weekdays started, I would start homework. Great. I don't really have a ton of work due at the end of break, but I would like to catch up on my reading and homework assignments. It would be wonderful to go back next week and not have that constant, quiet nagging in my brain about how I should be catching up and keeping up with work.

Also tomorrow - dance class. Which I may or may not be ready for. See, after what went down with this competition and the preparations for it, I was sick of everything and everyone. I'm even sick of the music, which never happens. One time, after attending one of Katrina's dance recitals, I told her how awesome this one routine was. She told me she liked it too, but was so sick of the song (which happened to be Beyonce's 'Crazy in Love,' a song I still really like). I didn't understand that sentiment until after this competition. Now, whenever Michael Buble's 'Feelin' Good' or even Janet's 'Feedback' (*tear*) comes on my iPod, I want to throw it against the wall. Not cool. Hopefully I'll be able to reconcile my feelings with those songs in time. I've had a week away from all the drama, so I'm thinking that should be plenty of time. Just remind me never to get involved with this nonsense again. Remind me that I'm retired, as of March 2nd, 2008. Thanks.

*

I suppose I should go fetch my laundry from the dryer, where it's been sitting for three hours now. Right.

Getting over it

I almost don't know what to do with myself now that competition is over. Saturday was actually pretty calm, especially compared to Friday, which included the biggest argument I've ever witnessed in the history of my dance school. It was.. scary and upsetting. I don't really feel like recounting the entire thing because, well, I want to pretend it never really happened.

Competition flew by, as it always does. As usual, I ate nothing all day until after my performances, because my nervous stomach would've rejected anything I tried to eat. Our duet came first, and we both came off stage thinking it wasn't so great. Then we got ready for our group hip hop, which felt like it went amazingly. At the end of it all, though, they both scored the same. Of course Chris's two solos - which for the most part were made up on the spot - both got High Gold. Ashley's solo got Gold. The other two were High Silver.

Going into this, I thought we'd do really, really well. I thought the hip hop would at least get Gold. Needless to say, I'm pretty disappointed, and I think this was just the final moment to realize that it's time to retire, at least from the competition circuit. I always have a false sense of confidence going into competition, because I forget the technique levels of all the other schools.

I keep trying to hold onto this dance thing, and watching it start to slip away is a little disappointing. What's strange is that all the dancing I do that's not for competition is what I do best. Whether it be me just blowing off stress here in my dorm, or the routines I learn at dance conventions or in hip hop class that are just for fun, I seem to nail all the movements. But when it comes down to the routines that I'm actually responsible for, that are going on the competition stage, seem to fall a little flat on my part. I don't know if it's stress or what, but my performances on Saturday were not my best. And it's upsetting.

*

You know, the worst part of being a girl is not the once-a-month cramps, but the once-a-month bout of emo-ness. It's really frustrating. I can feel it coming on, and basically what happens to me is that I feel like crying. So, of course, I think of things that will make me cry. And we all know what's still on the top of that list. If you don't know.. then you need to talk to me and find out.

For the most part, I'm past it. Percentage-wise, I'm 95% over it. But there's still that lingering 5% that imagines "what if" and wonders if any of those "what ifs" will come true. I think I hang on to that 5% because I don't foresee any other opportunities arising in the near future, so I keep that little bit of hope. At the same time though, that hope is like a double-edged sword. While it's great to think positively, it's basically a constant disappointment. That's why I'm trying to reduce that percentage until it's down to two or one, because obviously I can't hold out hope forever. I give myself a lot of credit, because I can tell you that I was holding on to a lot more in the initial aftermath. To tell you now that there's only that little 5% left is an accomplishment on my part. That's how I know that I'll be able to reduce that even more.

Another reason I keep holding on is because I never actually got an explanation. I hate that, in general. I have a couple of unanswered questions that I would prefer to have answered, which is constantly irking me. I gave up my opportunity to ask these questions. In all honesty, I could probably still ask them, but I dislike confrontation and awkward conversations, both of which would be the result of asking the questions. So I'm stuck, unless the information is offered up voluntarily. And let's just say, I sincerely doubt that will ever happen.

Here I go again...

Not much has changed since the last entry, except that I'm even more fed up than before.

This competition is just draining me off everything I have. I'm sick, I have three tests this week, and still I have all this nonsense to be worrying about. I'm angry about how unorganized we've been, how unprepared we still are, and the addition of the fourth kid to this group.

We weren't always a group of four, and we probably should've never been more than three. This fourth kid doesn't show up to any extra practices and is apparently behind on learning the choreography. Of course, then he has the nerve to talk crap about me (when we've never even met) because he doesn't understand how I could be any good since I don't show up to class on Mondays. I'm not even going to get into how completely irrelevant that is, or else I could go on for days.

So why did he end up in our group? That is the main issue behind all of my stress and anger. If he wasn't in the group, then things would be SO much easier. The original three of us have practiced together many times and actually work really well together. I just don't understand why this fourth kid needed to be included. It's ridiculous! But of course, nothing can really be done at this point. Basically, though, all my other aggravations stem from this issue. Why do I have to haul ass back and forth for practice in the middle of the week? Because this kid can't practice on the weekend. Of course, it doesn't help much when he doesn't even show up for the middle-of-the-week practice, either.

Then there's the nitty-gritty of competition stuff - costumes, positions, and accuracy of the choreography. Besides the shirt Ashley just found today, we really have no definite answer for costumes. We just figured out spots and transitions, but have yet to work as a complete group to make sure nobody runs into each other. And as for the choreography... I'm just praying that this fourth kid has finally learned the rest of it and has been working on it. I'm praying for a miracle, that we'll all get together to finally practice, and the whole thing will run more-or-less seamlessly. Right now, I don't have much hope.

I'm completely sick of the way this has gone down. I'm done with the disorganization, lack of communication, and lack of even giving a shit. I've spent too many hours of "practice time" sitting on the floor watching Chris run through his solo for the five hundredth time, or all of us just sitting around doing nothing. My parents are on my back for good reason, because I'm out at practice until 2am, and as of late, with a horrible cold on top of that. It's just ridiculous. Everyone just assumes that I'm available at any given time, and that driving back home isn't a huge deal or that it takes time out of my schedule. They think it's okay for me to stay out until 2am when I'm completely drained and sick, with three tests in the next week to study for.

It's done on Saturday. I'm sure we'll have a really fun time once we actually get to the competition. As I've discussed with Ashley, if we don't get a high score because the guys don't take this seriously, then I'm going to be really pissed off. And I'll probably cry. This routine is one of the best ones I've been involved with so far, and we've worked so hard on it. The last thing I need is for this to be ruined by stupid shit.

Ugh.

~

I'm sick, again. Last week I was definitely getting better, until I woke up on Friday. Luckily we had a snow day, because my throat was killing me and I was completely congested all over again. I spent all of Friday in bed, hoping to regain my energy for the weekend.

Saturday was Julianne's Sweet 16!! It was so fun, and Julianne looked so pretty. I spent most of the night chatting and catching up with Dawn. We talked about a lot of... interesting things, and it's really funny to know that she feels the same way I do about stuff. Then I was supposed to have competition practice, but that never happened (of course).

Today I drove back here and studied. Well, sort of. I procrastinated a lot. But I've been studying in between that! My habits will never die, I suppose. I was all set to start studying on Friday, but napping, watching TV, and talking to Natalie trumped studying in terms of importance, heh.

Saturday can't come fast enough.