Wednesday, May 26, 2010


{taken by my cousin, circa 2006; yes, old, but I like it.}

I’m not that person who finds it easy to follow the advice “if you fall off of the horse, get right back on.” Absolutely not. In fact, I’m that person who won’t even get on the horse, because if I don't try, I can't fail. Yes, I can't succeed, either, but I'd rather not try than try and mess things up.

Twice in the past few months, I proclaimed that I would be working on feeling better and living my life. Have I succeeded? Not 100%, not even close. But for the first time, I’m getting back on the horse when I fall off. When I start sleeping late again, I let it run its course then start taking steps to get back on normal hours. When I go off my diet, I acknowledge it and – after a six-Oreo binge – get back to eating fresh foods.

For once in my life, I’m realizing that success isn’t the absence of failure, which is something I believed for a long, long time. I give myself credit for pouring myself a glass of water and don’t punish myself for choosing to have a can of Sierra Mist every few days. Sure, I have my bad days when I’m not doing anything I should be and am blatantly choosing not to remedy the situation, but those days are becoming fewer and farther between.

I’m doing silly little things to make myself feel more motivated. In addition to my cardio, I found a plan to tone my body. My mom’s given me a list of projects to do around the house and outside, like finishing up the yard and making a scrapbook for my grandmother’s 80th birthday. I’m making shopping lists of things I keep forgetting I need and actually buying them. It gives me something to do during the day and helps me feel like I’m accomplishing things instead of sitting around the house like a bum.

Sometimes it’s really hard, but I feel like I’m making progress. It’s difficult to break a habit as big as not trying for fear of failing, but every time I do something healthy in lieu of being lazy and inactive, I’m one step closer to feeling better.