it's just those rainy days

This morning was awful. I was exhausted and it was cloudy and gloomy out, the perfect recipe for skipping class and staying in bed. But as New Cait, I hauled my under-rested body out of bed and went on my way.

On the walk to class I realized I was in a crappy mood for no reason, other than probably the culmination of the tiredness, the interesting convo with The Boy last night, and the poor weather. I was ragging on The Boy, bitching about class not being canceled (because I think cloudy/rainy days should be just as much reason for cancellation as snow days), and just being cranky.

We got out of class relatively early, something that made me happier. Lunch was a riot - who knew making fun of contemplating the complexities of OCD could be so hilarious*? And after all my complaining about The Boy (particularly how he wants to spend more time with me even though I spend 5+ hours with him every night), he was at the student center eating lunch too, came over to say hi, and it made me happy. I guess that's a good thing, right?

Anyway, I'm still exhausted and in dire need of a power nap before my class at two, which is a joke. Attendance isn't mandatory and he ONLY teaches from the slides (that he creates) which are then posted online. Basically that means I'm very tempted not to go. But! As New Cait, instead of telling myself it would be okay to miss it, I'm just going to tell myself I can go to class in my post-nap daze and it won't matter! Sweet.

__________
* I understand OCD is a serious issue and shouldn't be mocked. I have mild OCD tendencies about my body, like my awful nail-biting habit. But in discussing it, it becomes pretty comical and it's hard not to laugh.

t.g.i.f.

Ready for another example of my extreme lack of a social life? My exciting activity for the evening was vacuuming the common area. And yes, that's the exciting part of my evening, to be followed by watching Food Network, studying for a test on Monday, and going to bed early. It's a scintillating life I lead.

*

I've been having mood swings like crazy the past few days. For example, on Tuesday I spent a good half hour just laying on my bed. I wasn't trying to sleep, but I didn't feel like doing anything. It was weird. Then at some point on Wednesday, I was talking to Natalie about some stuff, and she was spinning it positive for me.. but I had the urge to argue the negative. Although I am innately optimistic, I tend to continuously assume the negative about my actions. We were discussing my internship from last summer, and I was explaining that I didn't receive any credit for it. Natalie countered by saying that it looks good that I got an internship without my school's help. Normally, I would've agreed wholeheartedly, with a "screw you" attitude to everyone who tried to minimize the accomplishment. But I didn't. I think I shrugged, and said "yeah, I guess."

Today I just felt down. I was angry because I had to come back for a group meeting that never happened and that I didn't get a chance to hang out with Lyndsay. There's also a third thing weighing heavily on my mind, and it's getting harder and harder for me to face it. It's just.. I initially sort of offered myself to take on this task, but now I'm regretting that decision. One part of it is my fear of confrontation. Another is the fact that the more I think about it, the harder I think it's going to be. And the sad fact is that it actually is going to be hard, and I'm not just exaggerating that fact.

Yikes.

*

Well then. I'm off to curl up on my bed and watch Food Network and wish I had the food they make at my fingertips. That would be quite amazing, wouldn't it? Yes it would.