I miss waking up in Vegas.

{photo by Casey}

Vegas taught me that I was invincible.

It’s a funny lesson, considering that I didn’t do anything too crazy or out of the ordinary while in Las Vegas. I actually spent a decent amount of time sleeping and/or relaxing in my room instead of partaking in the constant stream of events. (Which, looking back, I regret only because it meant less time with awesome people.) But for me, I did quite a lot.

{photo by Casey}

I flew on a plane. For five hours. I got lost in an airport and took a cab to the hotel by myself. I met internet “strangers” and hugged them and awkwardly poked peoples’ shoulders because oh my goodness, they’re all real. I had discussions and debates and staring contests and dance sessions and slumber parties with people I had only known for days or even just hours. I spent a Friday afternoon dancing in a pool and magically did not get burnt (even though I misapplied my sunscreen). I did The Wobble in a random club at the Bellagio. I learned how to play blackjack at a real casino table and realized that buffets are my favorite. I was treated like a VIP, hit on by (extremely) drunken bros, and told I was beautiful by several lovely BiSCuits. I sang ‘Part of Your World’ while walking through a casino, loudly, with a group of newfound best friends. I had – and shared – all the feelings at brunch in front of that group of internet strangers that had now turned support system.

{photo by Casey}

As I said at the farewell brunch, if you told 2009 Cait that she would do all of these things, it wouldn’t be believable. My story plays out in the archives of this blog, but for those who don’t know, my life was miserable four years ago. College had ended and I – with no full-time job, a newly-diagnosed digestive condition, and crazy levels of anxiety – was housebound. Date nights with my ex were nonexistent because I couldn’t go out, especially not to eat. I’d make plans with friends only to cancel at the last minute.

Four years ago, I could barely manage the weekly commute to my part-time job. Now? I’ve flown across the country to meet wonderful new friends. Going to Vegas, to Bloggers in Sin City, taught me that I can do anything. I have no excuses anymore. While I had already grown out of that person I was four years ago, this was the icing on the cake, the final step into who I was always supposed to be.

{photos by: San and Abby}

And to my amazing, caring, hilarious, entertaining, beautiful, wonderful BiSCuits: I miss you every day. As the weeks go by, Vegas feels more like a crazy dream than a reality, but the feelings are really real. I miss day sequins, beach balls, Lazy Mountain, and TVs in bathroom mirrors. I miss meeting in the lobby, taking up the entire escalator, the Bellagio fountains, and alcohol available everywhere.

I miss all of YOU, the people who didn’t judge me when I went to bed early or slept in late, or when I didn’t day drink or eat much at brunch. The ones who were dancing, laughing, singing, joking, or telling the best stories. The ones who were ever-present, always there when I sent out a tweet or text to find something to do or someone to meet up with. I miss having my community right there at my fingertips, ready to teach me to curl my hair with a straightener or force me to stay out late, even if it meant a random trip to and from the Venetian.

My return to “real life” has been a harsh wake-up call, but I’ve found that I can tap into that love and excitement I shared when I was with all of you and push through all the shit that life has to offer me right now. It will always be “see you later… no, see you soon,” and I really hope I do. Love you all, because VEGAS.

Why I'm Going to BiSC.

For most people, making the decision to go to Bloggers in Sin City was probably just a matter of finances, availability, and the desire to go meet awesome people. As long as they could go without making too big a dent in their bank accounts and were free that weekend, they were signed up. Simple.*

When sign-ups started, I was clear in my decision not to go. I needed to save the money and I was still too scared to get on a plane. It didn’t even cross my mind from the day registration opened until the week it was going to end.

That Monday, for the first time, I entertained the idea. I clicked the link to register to remind myself what the price was, and thought to myself, that’s actually doable. The thought of getting on a plane still scared the crap out of me. So, still no.

On Tuesday or Wednesday, I looked up how long a flight from New Jersey to Las Vegas would take. Five or six hours? No way José.

Then, it was finally Thursday, the last day to register. I sat at work, tweeting about how all the BiSC discussions were bumming me out. My excuse was that I couldn’t afford it; the truth was I didn’t want to fly. I eventually said as much, knowing subconsciously that tweeting about it would open up a conversation about my attendance. People began begging me, claiming they’d fly with me and meet me at baggage claim.

That’s when I knew. I knew that, deep down, I wanted to go. In my heart of hearts, going to BiSC was something I was dying to do. It’s on my 30 Before 30 list, I wanted to meet all these fabulous people, and I wanted a really awesome experience under my belt. I was going to have to fly eventually, so why not go big? Recently I've had this pull to do more, live more authentically, go with my gut and make choices that might be scary but also really exciting.

I decided before the work day was over, but gave myself the drive home to make a “final” decision. After talking it over briefly with my mom and Erik – who were both, surprisingly, supportive – I registered. And then I had a panic attack because holy shit, I’m actually going to have to GET ON A PLANE and FLY FOR FIVE HOURS.

Despite the panic attack and the fact that I still get anxious (and a bit nauseas) every time I think about actually flying, I know it will be worth it. Totally, one-hundred-percent worth it.

*This is just for storytelling purposes and to emphasize my own story. I know the choice might not have actually been that simple for everyone.

Life Update.

Stepping away from this blog was never in my plans, but life is busy, friends.

Since my last post, a lot has been going on. Right around Christmastime, I got a boatload of work to do for my second (part-time, contracting) job, which is why I dropped off the map again. My evenings were spent either working on that or procrastinating in other productive ways - I couldn't really justify spending my "not working" time on blogging.

January was a busy month, February was quiet and went fast, and here we are, midway through March. Some highlights?

Christmas Festivities

 

Holiday Trips to NYC

New Year's Eve

 

Celebrating My Two-Year Anniversary with Erik in Atlantic City

 

My Birthday

Surprise 50th Birthday Party for my Aunt

Valentine's Day

Birthday/Police Academy Graduation Party for Nat's Husband 

That's quite a lot, actually. I forgot so much had happened since I last blogged! Also included in this was going back to dance class, celebrating Cortney's birthday with karaoke, and going to another Rangers game last weekend. This past week I've been sick with a horrible cold, so this past weekend was spent in bed trying to recuperate. It bums me out that I missed out on fun St. Patrick's Day festivities, but I needed to get better.

And, in one last piece of exciting, awesome, must-tell-you news... I signed up for Bloggers in Sin City! I am super nervous (I've never flown! New people!) but also completely excited (meeting my internet friends! VEGAS!). I decided it was time to start facing my fears and living life to the fullest, and since this is the last year, I just couldn't pass it up.

I've been bitten by the blogging bug, so expect lots more from me really soon!