Wednesday, June 12, 2013

I miss waking up in Vegas.

{photo by Casey}

Vegas taught me that I was invincible.

It’s a funny lesson, considering that I didn’t do anything too crazy or out of the ordinary while in Las Vegas. I actually spent a decent amount of time sleeping and/or relaxing in my room instead of partaking in the constant stream of events. (Which, looking back, I regret only because it meant less time with awesome people.) But for me, I did quite a lot.

{photo by Casey}

I flew on a plane. For five hours. I got lost in an airport and took a cab to the hotel by myself. I met internet “strangers” and hugged them and awkwardly poked peoples’ shoulders because oh my goodness, they’re all real. I had discussions and debates and staring contests and dance sessions and slumber parties with people I had only known for days or even just hours. I spent a Friday afternoon dancing in a pool and magically did not get burnt (even though I misapplied my sunscreen). I did The Wobble in a random club at the Bellagio. I learned how to play blackjack at a real casino table and realized that buffets are my favorite. I was treated like a VIP, hit on by (extremely) drunken bros, and told I was beautiful by several lovely BiSCuits. I sang ‘Part of Your World’ while walking through a casino, loudly, with a group of newfound best friends. I had – and shared – all the feelings at brunch in front of that group of internet strangers that had now turned support system.

{photo by Casey}

As I said at the farewell brunch, if you told 2009 Cait that she would do all of these things, it wouldn’t be believable. My story plays out in the archives of this blog, but for those who don’t know, my life was miserable four years ago. College had ended and I – with no full-time job, a newly-diagnosed digestive condition, and crazy levels of anxiety – was housebound. Date nights with my ex were nonexistent because I couldn’t go out, especially not to eat. I’d make plans with friends only to cancel at the last minute.

Four years ago, I could barely manage the weekly commute to my part-time job. Now? I’ve flown across the country to meet wonderful new friends. Going to Vegas, to Bloggers in Sin City, taught me that I can do anything. I have no excuses anymore. While I had already grown out of that person I was four years ago, this was the icing on the cake, the final step into who I was always supposed to be.

{photos by: San and Abby}

And to my amazing, caring, hilarious, entertaining, beautiful, wonderful BiSCuits: I miss you every day. As the weeks go by, Vegas feels more like a crazy dream than a reality, but the feelings are really real. I miss day sequins, beach balls, Lazy Mountain, and TVs in bathroom mirrors. I miss meeting in the lobby, taking up the entire escalator, the Bellagio fountains, and alcohol available everywhere.

I miss all of YOU, the people who didn’t judge me when I went to bed early or slept in late, or when I didn’t day drink or eat much at brunch. The ones who were dancing, laughing, singing, joking, or telling the best stories. The ones who were ever-present, always there when I sent out a tweet or text to find something to do or someone to meet up with. I miss having my community right there at my fingertips, ready to teach me to curl my hair with a straightener or force me to stay out late, even if it meant a random trip to and from the Venetian.

My return to “real life” has been a harsh wake-up call, but I’ve found that I can tap into that love and excitement I shared when I was with all of you and push through all the shit that life has to offer me right now. It will always be “see you later… no, see you soon,” and I really hope I do. Love you all, because VEGAS.