Friday, May 4, 2012

My New Job.

So, about that new job I got and never talked about...

I'm currently working for a small company that owns fast food franchises in the accounts payable department. Mostly, I do the accounting for all the bills that come in, which is a lot. Imagine things like gas, water, electricity, food supplies, cleaning supplies, machine maintenance, and a whole bunch of other bills ... and multiply it by 50. Yup, we have roughly 50 restaurants. It adds up.

I knew when I accepted the position that throwing myself straight into a 9-to5:30 situation was going to be rough. My only experience in an office setting was a three-month internship in the summer of 2007 and even then, I ended up having one day off almost every week. But my life had come down to this:  I was standing at a crossroads and couldn't decide which way to turn. The three main choices were to work on my anxiety issues, work on my health issues, or get a job. Obviously I went with the last choice.

I'll be honest, my first week was awful. I was crying myself to sleep every night because I hated being so tired and having no reprieve. I was having a crisis about my freedom being gone; from this point forward, I'm going to be "stuck" working full-time, every day, for a long time. It was scary. On top of that, they really weren't kidding when they said I would have a high volume of work. There were piles of papers messily stacked on my desk by Tuesday.

On Thursday of that first week, I had a meltdown of epic proportions. It was the worst day so far because I spent all day matching checks to invoices and my boss seemed slightly annoyed that I hadn't worked faster (I finished exactly at 5:30). Erik and I had plans to meet up at a local bar to watch the Rangers game, but since we arrived ten minutes before the game started, the place was packed. The disappointment was the last straw, but I stupidly figured if I went in, I'd feel better.

A few misunderstandings later, I stormed out in tears and ended up in my car with Erik, sobbing. The day - and the week - had broken me down. It was terrible. I rarely let myself reach a breaking point, especially in front of other people, but I couldn't stop myself.

This week has been better, but I'm still not 100% happy here. Last week, I toyed daily with the idea of quitting. This week has felt more normal and I don't feel like quitting; still, looking towards the future scares me. I can't imagine sticking with this for a year or longer. But what I've learned is that, for right now, I have to take it a day at a time. That makes it much more manageable.