Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Master List.

I've recently become more and more agitated with the state of my life. While I have taken some steps forward to ease this feeling - applying to jobs, trying to get to bed sooner - it's still not enough.

Last night, my brain was wandering as it is apt to do just when I'm trying to go to bed. (Seriously, my day goes by worry-free and as soon as my head hits the pillow, my mind runs through every problem and stressor in my life. Fun!) I decided I needed a master list of Things I Need To Do to get over my frustration.

Before Natalie's Wedding...
  1. Take my sugar-free project as seriously as possible, eat healthier, drink more water. When I make dietary changes, I let myself slide... a lot. This week I'm supposed to be having one sugary treat after dinner, but I've been having waffles (plain) for breakfast and two desserts. While this is an improvement, I would much rather be ahead of schedule than behind. These three steps will help me feel better, which is important for the long run but also so I don't feel like trash on Natalie's wedding day.

  2. Keep applying for jobs. I have made vast improvements here already, but it's still not enough. I take one night a week to scour Craigslist, CareerBuilder, and HigherEdJobs (which is HUGE for me), but I'd like to up this number to at least three days a week.
After the wedding...
  1. Go see a new gastroenterologist. I wasn't a fan of my first gastro doctor. He diagnosed me in one 15-minute session, scribbled down a prescription, and sent me on my way. I want to start fresh with someone new and explain a bit more of my story. And although it would be nice to have a prescription to help me get through the tougher days, I'd like a discussion about diet changes and alternative treatments, and maybe even a referral to a therapist.
  2. Finish up my dental appointments. Right around mid-February, I cancelled a dental appointment and never rescheduled. I have three or four sessions left, but I know if I schedule them soon, that's just one more thing to stress about.
  3. Keep applying for jobs and hopefully get one. Same goal as above, except I would hope to have some prospects by this point. Otherwise, I would make this my primary focus.
  1. See a therapist if necessary. I can never decide if it's my IBS affecting my anxiety or vice versa, so I would have to see how my gastro appointment goes and what happens after that. If I'm still anxious and it's out of my control, I plan to go to therapy.
  2. Move out. It's hard to know when this would happen because it depends on when I actually get a job and what kind of job it is. I can't really set a goal date or even a general time of year because I won't know until I get a job, see how much I'm making, and research places to live.
Everything listed here is something that eats away at me when I get down on myself. My health, my anxiety, my lack of self-control when it comes to making improvements in my life, and my lack of a job. My hope with this master list is not only to have a general guide, but also to avoid letting everything pile up on me. Putting the focus on two goals before the wedding, for example, will let me off the hook (for now) with worrying about going to a doctor or into therapy.

How do you handle frustration in your life?