Monday, January 26, 2009


Does somebody want to tell me why I let myself be sucked into drama caused by Myspace?

I put up a Truth Box. You can probably guess the premise - leave anonymous comments to your friends. What's in mine? A single, lonesome comment, that says something along the lines of, "you've become to boring for me."

I know who it's from. Well, I don't truly know, but I know. There's only one person who this can really apply to, and only one person who's on Myspace enough to fill this out. And it really sucks because this person is somebody very, very close to me.

My first reaction was that weird, shameful hurt, like when you can't believe someone could really insult you like that. Then I immediately decided I didn't care. Or at least I pretended I didn't. The problem is, the little message pops into my brain every couple of days, and I just get angry.

This person has become someone I never thought she would be. She was always a social butterfly compared to me, but our friendship was separate from that. At least, that's what I thought was true. It turns out, now that it's senior year, partying and spending time with people who like to party are the only important things. I got left in the dust. My parents always told me our friendship would end up like this, but I liked to believe (and to a small extent still do believe) that this person is a kind person at heart, and that she's just letting life get the best of her right now.

I understand her wanting to live her life the way she does, and she's entitled to it. I may judge internally, at times, but I'm careful to always be supportive. Somewhere along the way, though, I think she felt I just "didn't get" the stuff she did, that since I never do any of it, I don't want to hear about or take part in it. Therefore, I get labeled as "boring." She stopped telling me things, didn't elaborate on stories like her first (PG) hook-up, the parties she went to, etc. The texts became less frequent. She was never available for anything except breakfast or lunch dates on weekends. Even at get-togethers, she was always preoccupied with the upcoming nights' events, texting friends and acting detached from the rest of the group.

What hurts is that she chose to judge my life. Could it be argued that, at this point in time, her life is more exciting, more fun than mine? I certain ways, yes. She's enjoying senior year, while I'm paying for my laziness and working extra hard to get my grades up. I won't deny that her life is pretty exciting right now, but there really isn't any need for the judgment call on what I do with my time.

I don't have much choice but to hold my tongue, regardless of how much I want to tell her that I'm really disappointed in the person she's become. It's one thing to have fun, to go out and live the "party" life. In fact, I like going out, too - I just don't really have the opportunities that she does. But to then judge a friend, a close friend, just because they don't fit into the lifestyle that's been adopted - that's just simply immature.

I know that deep down, this person is a caring, kind soul. I feel that because of this, for so long she felt she was always doing things to please other people, and finally decided to do only the things that made her happy. In the process, instead of finding a balance of making herself AND others happy, she went from one end of the spectrum to the other. She decided that she'd do what she wanted even if it hurt others. I guess I just ended up being one of those others.

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