Friday, March 21, 2008

what the hell is going on?

You know what's super fun? Driving home with the music turned up so loud that it's deafening me and singing along. It's quite liberating. I think that's why I love driving - it's definitely my best alone time.

But you know what's not fun at all? Realizing your not over something you thought you were. Or should I say.. someone. You know, the weirdest part of it all is that on Tuesday, Nat jokingly said I shouldn't worry about her for housing because I should try to live by him. You know what I said? "Ehhh. I kinda sorta think that's a lost cause at this point, I really do." And I meant it. As the words tumbled out of my mouth I wasn't quite sure I agreed, but after I thought about it for a minute, I realized it was true. I was done.

Then Wednesday happened. Up until then, I had been able to put past me all the lingering questions that I had regarding how we interact with each other. That was something I struggled with a LOT, because I thought (as did my roommates) that the message being sent was pretty damn clear. But then here we are all over again, with someone witnessing it all and agreeing with me. So that whole aspect of my life is, once again, one big WTF IS GOING ON. Wonderful.

I was contemplating all of this as I was taking my bath earlier, and I almost wonder if it was a sign. One day I call it a lost cause, and the very next day I have reason to believe it's not. The problem is that I'm back to being unsure and not being able to ask the questions I want to ask. Which sucks.


I got a 98 on my EconStat test and I really don't know how. I mean, I got the feeling that I'd done well when I finished it and turned it in.. but that doesn't necessarily mean I actually did well. That class is a ton less stressful than I made it out to be when I started taking it last year. However, I'm pretty sure that the professor changed his curriculum for it since last time. Lucky me, I guess.