I miss waking up in Vegas.

{photo by Casey}

Vegas taught me that I was invincible.

It’s a funny lesson, considering that I didn’t do anything too crazy or out of the ordinary while in Las Vegas. I actually spent a decent amount of time sleeping and/or relaxing in my room instead of partaking in the constant stream of events. (Which, looking back, I regret only because it meant less time with awesome people.) But for me, I did quite a lot.

{photo by Casey}

I flew on a plane. For five hours. I got lost in an airport and took a cab to the hotel by myself. I met internet “strangers” and hugged them and awkwardly poked peoples’ shoulders because oh my goodness, they’re all real. I had discussions and debates and staring contests and dance sessions and slumber parties with people I had only known for days or even just hours. I spent a Friday afternoon dancing in a pool and magically did not get burnt (even though I misapplied my sunscreen). I did The Wobble in a random club at the Bellagio. I learned how to play blackjack at a real casino table and realized that buffets are my favorite. I was treated like a VIP, hit on by (extremely) drunken bros, and told I was beautiful by several lovely BiSCuits. I sang ‘Part of Your World’ while walking through a casino, loudly, with a group of newfound best friends. I had – and shared – all the feelings at brunch in front of that group of internet strangers that had now turned support system.

{photo by Casey}

As I said at the farewell brunch, if you told 2009 Cait that she would do all of these things, it wouldn’t be believable. My story plays out in the archives of this blog, but for those who don’t know, my life was miserable four years ago. College had ended and I – with no full-time job, a newly-diagnosed digestive condition, and crazy levels of anxiety – was housebound. Date nights with my ex were nonexistent because I couldn’t go out, especially not to eat. I’d make plans with friends only to cancel at the last minute.

Four years ago, I could barely manage the weekly commute to my part-time job. Now? I’ve flown across the country to meet wonderful new friends. Going to Vegas, to Bloggers in Sin City, taught me that I can do anything. I have no excuses anymore. While I had already grown out of that person I was four years ago, this was the icing on the cake, the final step into who I was always supposed to be.

{photos by: San and Abby}

And to my amazing, caring, hilarious, entertaining, beautiful, wonderful BiSCuits: I miss you every day. As the weeks go by, Vegas feels more like a crazy dream than a reality, but the feelings are really real. I miss day sequins, beach balls, Lazy Mountain, and TVs in bathroom mirrors. I miss meeting in the lobby, taking up the entire escalator, the Bellagio fountains, and alcohol available everywhere.

I miss all of YOU, the people who didn’t judge me when I went to bed early or slept in late, or when I didn’t day drink or eat much at brunch. The ones who were dancing, laughing, singing, joking, or telling the best stories. The ones who were ever-present, always there when I sent out a tweet or text to find something to do or someone to meet up with. I miss having my community right there at my fingertips, ready to teach me to curl my hair with a straightener or force me to stay out late, even if it meant a random trip to and from the Venetian.

My return to “real life” has been a harsh wake-up call, but I’ve found that I can tap into that love and excitement I shared when I was with all of you and push through all the shit that life has to offer me right now. It will always be “see you later… no, see you soon,” and I really hope I do. Love you all, because VEGAS.

Why I'm Going to BiSC.

For most people, making the decision to go to Bloggers in Sin City was probably just a matter of finances, availability, and the desire to go meet awesome people. As long as they could go without making too big a dent in their bank accounts and were free that weekend, they were signed up. Simple.*

When sign-ups started, I was clear in my decision not to go. I needed to save the money and I was still too scared to get on a plane. It didn’t even cross my mind from the day registration opened until the week it was going to end.

That Monday, for the first time, I entertained the idea. I clicked the link to register to remind myself what the price was, and thought to myself, that’s actually doable. The thought of getting on a plane still scared the crap out of me. So, still no.

On Tuesday or Wednesday, I looked up how long a flight from New Jersey to Las Vegas would take. Five or six hours? No way José.

Then, it was finally Thursday, the last day to register. I sat at work, tweeting about how all the BiSC discussions were bumming me out. My excuse was that I couldn’t afford it; the truth was I didn’t want to fly. I eventually said as much, knowing subconsciously that tweeting about it would open up a conversation about my attendance. People began begging me, claiming they’d fly with me and meet me at baggage claim.

That’s when I knew. I knew that, deep down, I wanted to go. In my heart of hearts, going to BiSC was something I was dying to do. It’s on my 30 Before 30 list, I wanted to meet all these fabulous people, and I wanted a really awesome experience under my belt. I was going to have to fly eventually, so why not go big? Recently I've had this pull to do more, live more authentically, go with my gut and make choices that might be scary but also really exciting.

I decided before the work day was over, but gave myself the drive home to make a “final” decision. After talking it over briefly with my mom and Erik – who were both, surprisingly, supportive – I registered. And then I had a panic attack because holy shit, I’m actually going to have to GET ON A PLANE and FLY FOR FIVE HOURS.

Despite the panic attack and the fact that I still get anxious (and a bit nauseas) every time I think about actually flying, I know it will be worth it. Totally, one-hundred-percent worth it.

*This is just for storytelling purposes and to emphasize my own story. I know the choice might not have actually been that simple for everyone.

Life Update.

Stepping away from this blog was never in my plans, but life is busy, friends.

Since my last post, a lot has been going on. Right around Christmastime, I got a boatload of work to do for my second (part-time, contracting) job, which is why I dropped off the map again. My evenings were spent either working on that or procrastinating in other productive ways - I couldn't really justify spending my "not working" time on blogging.

January was a busy month, February was quiet and went fast, and here we are, midway through March. Some highlights?

Christmas Festivities

 

Holiday Trips to NYC

New Year's Eve

 

Celebrating My Two-Year Anniversary with Erik in Atlantic City

 

My Birthday

Surprise 50th Birthday Party for my Aunt

Valentine's Day

Birthday/Police Academy Graduation Party for Nat's Husband 

That's quite a lot, actually. I forgot so much had happened since I last blogged! Also included in this was going back to dance class, celebrating Cortney's birthday with karaoke, and going to another Rangers game last weekend. This past week I've been sick with a horrible cold, so this past weekend was spent in bed trying to recuperate. It bums me out that I missed out on fun St. Patrick's Day festivities, but I needed to get better.

And, in one last piece of exciting, awesome, must-tell-you news... I signed up for Bloggers in Sin City! I am super nervous (I've never flown! New people!) but also completely excited (meeting my internet friends! VEGAS!). I decided it was time to start facing my fears and living life to the fullest, and since this is the last year, I just couldn't pass it up.

I've been bitten by the blogging bug, so expect lots more from me really soon!

virtual baby shower!

Last month, I got a lovely little e-mail in my inbox with the greeting, “Hey there, blogger!” I don’t get many of those, so I was understandably excited from the start.

I was asked to participate in a very special celebration that included creating a video blog. Even before I finished reading the e-mail, I was bubbling with enthusiasm and knew I needed to take part. So what’s all this hullaballoo about?

We’re having a virtual baby shower!

{via}

In case you haven’t heard, the ever-wonderful Erin of The State I Am In and her husband Ted were blessed with the news that they would be expecting twin baby girls. Her pregnancy journey has been a nerve-wracking and emotional one, with the entire blogosphere biting their nails and crossing their fingers along with her every step of the way as she struggled with her infertility. It seemed like a no-brainer that we’d have a blogger-hosted virtual baby shower to celebrate her little girls.

So, that video blog I was talking about. We were asked, in honor of Erin’s twins, to talk about our favorite things that come in pairs. After tossing a few ideas around in my head, I finally settled on what I was going to talk about and got down to vlogging.


There you have it! Please visit Renee's blog to see a full list of "attendees" to what is probably the coolest virtual baby shower ever. Congratulations again to Erin and Ted, and I hope you loved your surprise!

i love the internet.

Yesterday at noon, as you probably already know, the internet exploded with awesome. If you don't already know, check out this post, multiply it by about fifty (or more) okay more like a couple hundred people, add $2,000 donated and one very surprised blogger, and there you have it.

I heard about it late and was at work, furiously trying to make the 12pm deadline on a computer that still runs Windows 95. Just as the clock clicked to the magic time, I hit publish and headed off to Twitter to watch post after post come in. It was goosebump-worthy, for real. After about five minutes, I realized I should probably watch the video I'd just posted to my blog (like said, I was really late on this). I wasn't able to hook up my headphones, but even watching without sound I found myself tearing up.

As is probably the case with many of us, my friends and family in "real life" don't necessarily understand the connections made over the internet. Whether it's the slowly-decaying idea that people over the internet must be creepy stalkers or that it's just plain weird to call someone you talk to over Twitter a friend, I have gotten plenty of strange looks from those around me. But this is a shining example of how connected we all really are.

All of the love oozing from the internet and blogosphere yesterday has my heart filled to capacity. It's truly amazing how kind and caring people can be, even about people they've never officially met in person. If I ever need to explain to anyone what this whole blog and Twitter thing is all about, I'm telling them about yesterday. Because that? Pretty much explains it all.

love harder.

So once again I miss out on the wonderful amazingness of the internets until things are about to go down. But this morning, after a series of tweets by a few different people, I was intrigued. Turns out I had a huge reason to be because, um, this is beyond amazing.
Not too long ago, just after Christmas, we were all presented with a plea from one lovely blogger named Brandy. And when the internet is given a plea, we answer in a big, big way.

Our Plea

Our friend Brandy is a brilliant writer, a wonderful teacher, and a generous friend. And she is in love with a man who has just been diagnosed with multiple myeloma.

We are raising money for the Multiple Myeloma Research Fund in his name. For the price of a cinnamon dolce latte, half-caf, hold the whip, you can be part of an effort to cure a disease that affects approximately 750,000 people worldwide.

http://www.loveharder.org

Every dollar brings us a dollar closer to a cure. And every donation brings a sliver of hope to a girl who needs all the hope she can get.

Love Harder,

Cait

What You Can Do

• Give. Be part of a worldwide effort to cure a disease that affects approximately 750,000 people worldwide. Every dollar helps.
  
• Pass it on. Forward this story to five people. Share this blog post. Become our fan on Facebook. Love harder. Life is short, love is unbending, and no one knows what could happen next. Tell someone you love them today.

Where Your Money Goes

• The American Institute of Philanthropy recently named The Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation one of the best organizations to give to in terms of their accountability and use of resources.


• By working closely with researchers, clinicians and partners in the biotech and pharmaceutical industry, the MMRF has helped bring multiple myeloma patients four new treatments that are extending lives around the globe.


• The MMRF has advanced twenty Phase I and Phase II clinical trials. They need your support to advance these clinical research programs and accelerate the development of better, more effective treatments.


• The MMRF’s Multiple Myeloma Genomics Initiative recently became the first to sequence the multiple myeloma whole genome in its entirety.


• A whopping 98% of your donation to the MMRF will be used immediately to support high-priority multiple myeloma research.


• With diminishing funding for early stage drug development and the next myeloma treatments not expected to be approved until 2011, the MMRF desperately needs your help.

Brandy’s Story can be found here
DONATE: http://www.loveharder.org/
CONTACT: theloveharderfund@gmail.com
FACEBOOK: http://facebook.loveharder.org/
MORE INFO: http://www.themmrf.org/