Thursday, July 17, 2014

Saying maybe.

They don't write love stories about the tiny, every day gestures. Waking up and falling back asleep five times every morning because the other person likes to sleep in. Tolerating an ingrained habit of off-pitch singing that just can. not. be. stopped. Letting the other person drive everywhere even though you love driving.

They don't write love stories about the princes that are dark and handsome, but maybe not so tall.

They don't write love stories where someone makes mistakes and the other one forgives them instead of bailing, instead of taking their injured heart and walking away. They don't really write love stories where people make mistakes in the first place.

Maybe they should.

I have always had an open heart. Many people, young and old, make lists. I want him/her to look like this, sound like that, and act this way. If they don't like 'x' and 'y,' it's a deal breaker. If they do like 'z,' also a deal breaker. If they use incorrect grammar and text like they're thirteen, they don't stand a chance in hell. I never made such a list. Blame it on going to an all-girls high school and/or possibly being completely desperate, but most guys I met had potential. Yes, there were boys I was blatantly not attracted to, either physically or mentally, but there was no standard mold. I had no "type." Each was evaluated on his own.

I do understand the concept of never settling and asking the universe for exactly what you want, as well as simply being attracted to certain things in people. But sometimes I can't help but wonder what people are missing because they say 'no' from the start. I also wonder how it affects us as a society, because we're expecting these checklist-ed, perfect people from the get-go.

There is a solid list of "reasons" I could've had on a mental list that would've kept me from Erik. I could've decided I wouldn't date men shorter than me, or ones who listened to angst-y alt rock. He could've dropped off of my radar because he uses 'u' instead of 'you' and doesn't read. Even further into the relationship, sometimes he's selfish and hurtful, and sometimes he's not as romantic as I would've hoped.

Loving someone is fully embracing that they have flaws, that they make mistakes, and that nobody is perfect. Finding someone to love is realizing this from the start and keeping an open mind. It's not saying 'yes' to everyone, but saying 'maybe' to most.

photo by me