Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Coming back.

I always knew the purpose of this blog. In the beginning, I was recounting daily life in college with my roommate Melissa and our friends. It was hilarious and not catered to an audience whatsoever; it was for us.

Eventually, once blogging became a bigger ‘thing’ and I started joining communities, it was more about me. Not my daily life, but my goals and inner thoughts. The problem with that was, as time went on, I found less and less to write about that wasn’t me constantly struggling with (minor) depression and negative feelings about my anxiety. Because I had an audience, I didn’t post as much as I liked because it felt monotonous - readers wouldn't want to read more complaining, especially if it was about the same issues over and over.

So instead, at that time, I pushed to make it about goals. Monthly goals, yearly goals and themes, etcetera. I tried having link-ups and Friday five lists that I wasn't even that thrilled about, because I wanted to have recurring posts to keep people reading. None of that worked because apparently, super structured goals and posts don’t work for me. I stopped having a real reason to blog; it all felt contrived.

The last few posts here - which were scattered in topic and in frequency - are all about things that struck me with feelings. They are events in my life that called me to write about them. Everything else seemed trivial or monotonous: either daily life boring-ness (I went to Erik’s house! Again! And we watched TV!) or over-the-top ‘my life is a disaster’ posts.

I hemmed and hawed about deleting my blog. My domain is expiring soon and I haven’t posted since… I don’t actually even know. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

I thought about doing a big re-launch, with a pretty design and new buttons and fancy ideas. However, I am not particularly creative and I didn't want to shell out the money to have it done for me.

I’ll be honest: there isn’t much going on in my life. I know this because whenever people ask me what’s new, I say “nothing, just the same old stuff.” I’m not trying to change this - this isn’t a post to challenge myself to do new stuff for the sake of having something to talk about - but I have a desire to document my life a little bit better again.

What I’m hoping for is a return to this blog’s original purpose: a record of the little things (and some big things) going on in my life, mostly for my amusement. Thoughts about random topics that pop into my brain that I feel like writing about. No more forcing topics that don’t feel genuinely fun for me in the hopes of growing my readership. Just me and my little, kinda-boring-for-right-now life.