But when it comes down to the action and the "doing" part? Not so great at that.
This weekend, after feeling particularly miserable both physically and mentally, I decided to stop complaining. Stop whining. Stop feeling sorry for myself. I was so tired of hearing myself and imagining what I sounded like to other people. And I got down to the doing.
I went for a walk on Saturday even though I had pretty terrible cramps and even though it was only for fifteen minutes.
I ordered salad when I was out to dinner two nights in a row.
I sat down and started revisiting all of my Holiday Council materials so that I can get my concrete, long-term goals into focus.
I read the magazines collecting dust in my room.
I prepared lunch and coffee for the next few days of work.
I went for another walk on Sunday for longer than I wanted and then I did an arm workout.
All of these things have been on my mental and on-paper checklists for months. Months. These are things I've been meaning to do since before the New Year, that I then excused myself from during the holidays, and that were meant to be worked on "just as soon as ____ is over" (my birthday, Valentine's Day, THIS AWFUL WINTER). The problem is that there was always something new to fill that blank and put off everything just a little longer.
For now, I'm throwing away my goal-setting tactics. I'm not setting goals the way I always have, because there's that quote about doing the same things over and over and expecting different results (spoiler alert: it's the definition of insanity). Instead, I'm making a list of things I want to do or improve in my life and when the time feels right, just do them. I don't want to save a specific dollar amount or exercise a certain number of times a week or eat sweets at this hour or that many times a day.
Instead, I want to be aware in the present moment and say "no" to spending on something I don't need, say "yes" to exercise as long as I don't feel completely like dying, and replace sweets with something healthier whenever possible and not giving a shit when I can't (or when I simply don't want to).
Plans feed my perfectionism and because of that, I always thought I was doing fine job setting goals. Then I wouldn't meet them and would wonder what's wrong with me. Unfortunately, my perfectionism prevents me from accomplishing almost any of the goals I set out for myself because I'm too specific, so when I trip up, I throw up my hands and say "fuck it."
Making a decision every time an opportunity arises, without having a set goal in mind, removes the temptation of "I'll just start over tomorrow" and forces me to do something. And that's the whole point of it all - not only creating pretty lists on how to become a better version of myself, but actually becoming that person.
