Friday, November 8, 2013

Living at Home.

Sometimes, my friends tell me all of the reasons I should be happy I'm still living at home. Mainly, that I'm saving money and that trumps everything else. Except it doesn't.

A few weeks ago, I decided I was going to take a seasonal retail job at the mall where one of Erik's friends works. My part-time job is ending as soon as I finish this last set of work and I haven't had much luck starting my hunt for a new full-time job. It seemed like a good transition from one part-time source of income into another.

I was happy with my decision and thought I was being smart. Yes, I might be a little better off job searching "full-time" after my 9-to-5 and making sure I snag a new job, but I figured I could pick up some extra cash for a few months while also pursuing that goal.

Well, tonight I discussed it at family dinner, because on Thursdays my brother comes home to visit. My brother immediately bashed my entire decision, saying that working in this particular store is degrading and stupid and not worth the money. My dad chimed in about how I have to take this job seriously and actually show up because I know the person who hired me. My mom - who already knew - stayed silent, which is her way of saying she doesn't think it's a good idea but she knows a lot better than to voice that opinion.

This is why I can't stay at home anymore. My family means well, I understand. They know I'm intelligent and can do great things, so they struggle when I'm not meeting their "successful life" expectations. I've had some hiccups in my life thus far and am trying to navigate them the best that I can. Instead of support, I receive negativity, lack of confidence, and silence.

Sometimes I wonder if they'll ever be happy. Not because I want to make them happy, but because I'm curious, as it seems impossible to please them. Even if I was doing what they think is best, there would just be something else that would come into focus as something I was doing wrong.

Being here and being criticized is not worth it. I would much rather "throw my money away" on an apartment to live with Erik who literally has never breathed a single negative word about anything I've decided to do or not do. My peace of mind is far more important than any amount of money I would save.

NaBloPoMo November 2013