Wednesday, March 2, 2011

farewell to february.

February was chock full of fun activities that made it feel weeks longer but also that it had passed in the blink of an eye. I mean, the Superbowl really happened this month? It feels like that was ages ago.

I attended a Superbowl party where I rooted half-heartedly for the Steelers and met some of E's closest friends. I was knocked over the head with nostalgia when I went to a high school dance competition to support the dance team that Natalie oversees at her school - the stage makeup, team jackets, and heel stretches had me yearning for the stage. E and I celebrated an early Valentine's Day which was absolute perfection, even if we did burn the chicken a bit when we made dinner.

I celebrated my mother's birthday over carrot cake and belly laughs about how ridiculous my father can be. I was grilled about my new boyfriend by my family when we celebrated a belated Christmas with my cousin and his girlfriend, but it was all in fun as we sipped on whipped cream vodka mixed with gingerale. I closed the month by dressing up as a murderess and being arm candy for a tough Boston cop for Melissa's Oscar party (and using my super guessing power to win the ballot contest and beat E by one point, as evidenced by the picture in the collage above).

There were lots of things making me smile this month: beautiful flowers from E; a care package from my Blog Valentine; the love letters I wrote and sent to my friends; seeing my friend Emily come home and be well enough to exercise by taking walks up and down the street; gushing over wedding details with Natalie and Danielle, including one of them finding THE DRESS (eeee!).

Although I have yet to actively work on my issues, I am incredibly proud of myself this month simply because I conquered anxiety on a handful of occasions, specifically on the day of the Superbowl party and concerning the trip to the Oscar party. The former entailed going to a new place and meeting new people; the latter involved making a long trip with someone else in the car when I usually prefer driving alone. Although there was a little bit of anticipatory stress, I managed to make my way through both without a problem, which doesn't seem like much but is truly a major feat for me.

Time for a goal check-in:

Get healthy. Absolutely not. I was too busy, ate too much junk, and had no time to figure out a good schedule.

Work on my anxiety. Mostly yes. I started reading through my anxiety book and taking notes, and as noted above, learned to overcome the anxiety linked to my anticipation of things.

Live in the moment. Most of the time, no. I let myself get caught up in my calendar, thinking of what I'd be doing next weekend instead of focusing on where I was at that moment. There were little moments, though - mostly during time spent with E - when I was completely present and content.

Stay in touch. Yes. I sent out love letters, saw most of my friends, and made plans to see others very soon.

Be me and stop worrying what other people think. Yes and no, but mostly no. I met a lot of E's friends and it's difficult not to worry what they think of me. I can also feel my inhibitions creeping up about how I think I'm really weird and can't understand why anyone normal would want to date me. Yeah, yikes.

January's Goals were a complete flop except for the love letter project. So, I'm making all the remaining ones my February goals.

Goals for this month: start eating healthy (specifically, cutting sugar out of my diet); apply to jobs; schedule a dental appointment; learn to cook at least two new meals; read at least one book.

I'm so stoked for March, mainly because it means spring is on its way. No more snow!