stuck.

I keep trying to come up with fun and exciting things to write about, but then I realize that my life is pretty mundane at the moment. To top that off, I have this unwavering feeling of being completely lost right now.

Throughout college, I've struggled with what I want to do. I stuck with accounting somewhat unwillingly, because I was told time and again that it is a useful major and can lead me to several job opportunities. It's difficult, however, because my school just assumed that all accounting majors are going to work for public firms and eventually earn their CPA certification.

Recently I've tossed the idea around my head a million times. Originally I refused to take it, knowing that I was not disciplined enough to study for a five-part, multi-hour test. Then when I started seriously looking for jobs last semester, all my interviews were with public firms who won't hire you if you're not eventually going to be certified. So, in a panic, I considered it and told these companies that I would be studying over the summer and completing the test next fall. WHAT?!

It was mostly out of necessity, and if public accounting is the only door open for me right now, then I will still need to take it completely out of necessity. What irks me, though, is that public seems to be the only open avenue. I would be much happier working within the accounting department of the company itself, not as an outside auditor. It's the difference between actually working with accounts and transactions or just being the person to look over all that stuff. I barely like checking over my own work, never mind someone else's.

On top of ALL THAT, the nagging voice in my mind and heart is constantly telling me I don't really want to be doing this, at all. I feel trapped. I have all this creativity running through me, but nowhere to channel it. All my dream jobs - wedding planner, party planner, interior designer/home stager, owner of some kind of cute craft/candy/cupcake shop, dance school owner - seem so daunting and unreachable. Despite earning a degree in accounting, which I understand is very useful and could actually help me in some of these dream jobs, I feel like I've wasted a substantial amount of time and energy. I wish I had realized sooner my true aspirations, so I could have better catered to them in terms of schooling and training.

Unfortunately, I don't really have the choice to be picky right now, because the job market is just terrible. So I'm stuck applying for office jobs, and not even having much luck with that.